Remember when you were little and you used to say very clearly what you liked or didn't like, like when you didn't want soup? That ease of saying clearly and calmly what you want is called assertiveness. We usually have it in childhood, but the journey of life takes away a bit of naturalness from saying what we want to say
The scene is very similar to this. You meet some friends, have a few drinks in a trendy place and at some point someone wants to go home. He asks you to drive him home. But nevertheless, you accept and give him a ride. Although you accumulate some resentment for not saying what you actually thought.
You may also be in a queue waiting for a long time, someone comes and cuts in front of you and even though it makes you angry you say nothing.
Assertiveness is respecting others but above all respecting your own needs.
How great do you think you are at keeping all those words?
If you want to recover something from that simple way of saying things, here are three suggestions to get you started.
1. No one can know what you think.
Do not think that by thinking something that becomes a written message and as if by magic reaches others. You have to learn to reflect on what you think and find the right words to say it.
2. Try to be concrete and specific in what you say.
If you are trying to achieve something with your message, if you want someone to really understand what you want to say, if you have to convey an instruction, you must express things in a simple way. Get used to thinking in sentences that have a subject, a verb and a predicate.
That's it. Besides knowing what your real objective is in that situation, you must be able to convey exactly and in detail what you want and not a vague general idea, or the situation will probably get out of hand.
3. Reduce your anxiety with body language
We are trained to follow the most assertive leaders, those who do not lose their temper easily. Because emotions are contagious, if you want to communicate assertively you must also convey that with your body language.
Not only that, several studies affirm that the most assertive people have more testosterone and less cortisol, linked to stress. And also that some relationships between muscles and the brain increase testosterone: for example, triumphant gestures (raising the hands) or enlarging the body.